Juggling Family & Career

Secrets To Santa’s Success

This past Friday, I gathered up enough courage to call Santa’s business phone to make an appointment to speak to the titan of Christmas productivity on the secrets of his success.  I was fortunate enough to speak to a female (I think) elf receptionist, who promptly made an appointment at 11:00pm on Sunday night in my time zone (ouch, so much for sleeping).

The elf receptionist had a sweet voice that actually reminded me of my daughter’s voice, but higher and many times faster in what she said.  In fact, the entire phone conversation took less than 1 minute.  I would guess that a phone conversation with any normal receptionist about setting up an appointment for such an phone interview (there’s no way I’m going up there for the interview!) would at least take 10 minutes.

Okay, enough about the pleasant sounding elf and on with the meat of the conversation with Santa!

Secrets To Santa’s Success

Santa Inteview

Since it was 11:00pm, I was somewhere in a state of falling asleep and barely staying awake.  As excited about the interview as I was, I found myself fighting sleep and losing.  I’m not entirely sure if it wasn’t the calm, relaxing sound of Santa’s voice, or if it was because I was too tired.  Either way, my note taking was subpar, and today, I’m only able to remember the key points of the interview.  So where we go…

Top Points of the Secrets to Santa’s Success

  1. Organize, organize, organize!  Santa said that he kept detailed notes on everything.  He chuckled a bit and told me that it’s easier with the new smart phones and tablets.  He then declared that technology is kind of a gift to him, and that if it wasn’t for technology like iPads and Android tablets, we wasn’t sure if he could do it all in one night.  At this point he did heave out a deep loud laugh and said that he was kidding, but that these new devices do make his live easier.  Especially since all the data from them go to his own “North Pole” cloud!
  2. Feedback, constant feedback!  When you are Santa, you don’t have time for missed product lines and delays.  If something is off, it need fixed within minutes, not days!  Feedback and dashboards make this all possible.
  3. Redundant facilities.  While Santa was kind of hush hush on this one, he did say that sometimes things that are even out of his control happens and he uses the redundant sites to keep production level where they should be.  This was a new one on me.
  4. Mrs Claus.  Santa said that Mrs. Claus is the critical base and team mate that makes it all possible.  Without her constant support, he would have given up centuries ago!  I asked him to elaborate on role of Mrs Claus, and he was glad to do so.  First he said that even the small thinks like making cookies were critical to his success.  You see, when Santa moves as fast as he does, a lot of energy is consumed.  The cookies that Mrs Claus makes are special because they are made with love and that makes them that much more special.  He said every hour when he eats some of them, he get an extra pick me up, just looking at the cookies alone.  He also told me that she handles all of the computer work like inventory, shipping and the bookkeeping.  He concluded by saying that Mrs Claus is as important to him as his right arm in the success of Christmas.
  5. Fitness.  Now you might be wondering “Fitness”? Whahuh?  But according to Santa right after Christmas, he’s about 200 lbs lighter!  Yep, doing the same amount of productivity as the entire output from a small country tends to burn the fat off like not other workout in the world.  Luckily, his skin is very elastic and he snaps back into shape quite easily!  Believe it or not, but he’s quite the extreme sporting guy until a few months before Christmas.  Apparently, he enjoys sunny destinations where he can go jet skiing, suba diving, and like to jog on the beach.  He like anything that doesn’t involve flying.  He said that he does enough of that during Christmas and want to stay on the ground or in the water the rest of the year.
  6. Belief.  The task that Santa does takes an incredible amount of believe in both the cause, his team (including Mrs Claus), and himself.
  7. Santa also said that belief and goodwill towards men helps too.  Without those two ingredients, he said he couldn’t function or exit in his present form.  So pat yourself on the backs, moms and dads.

As fascinating as this interview was, at this point I drifted off into a solid sleep.  I awoke next morning to a cell phone with a dead battery, and the creases of the outline of the smart phone embedded in my cheek.  While I was upset that I had dozed off during a conversation with Santa, I had the feeling that this has happened before, albeit with children instead of fully grown adult, but it’s all the same to him I’m sure.

Here’s wishing everybody a great Christmas this year!

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